My dad makes me feel:

Worthless Guilty Sad Angry Frustrated Hurt Hopeless Scared Weak Trapped Useless Terrified

Everything must revolve around him. He’s probably bipolar too. But Hell would freeze over sooner than he’d seek treatment. I’ve had to deal with the emotional abuse since early childhood. Emotionally, I’m not the best cookie. I’m chronically anxious and afraid that I’ll fail at something. That my dad will find out and hurt me. He never has but he’s sure capable of it. Sometimes I’m scared. Other times I gather enough strength to not be phased by the shouting. The shouting over nothing. A cup of juice, the mail, absolutely anything.

He has his good moments, but I’ve learned that they come at a price. I’m terrified when he’s too kind to me because I know in about an hour he will throw another fit.

I am greatful that college is only a few months away and soon I’ll be an hour away from all this crap. I’ve been away from home only once, for a whole ten days and nine nights (oh right I forgot to mention. I’m not allowed to sleepover anywhere). Those days were the best of my life. No anxiety. Just friends, learning, pure fun.

Freedom is so close…